Love is all around us and can be shown in many different ways, but getting ourselves to recognize and embrace it is a difficult challenge. To ease the difficulty with this challenge, in the 90s, psychologist Gary Chapman studied and popularized the most common values individuals hold in their romantic relationships. The term for these values was coined “love languages,” and it has been widely used ever since. The five languages are: acts of service, physical touch, gifts, quality time and words of affirmation. In the age of online dating and standards lower than low, how do we identify what’s really a true connection and determine what fulfills us in our romantic relationships?
In the age of our digital world, online dating has gained popularity with younger generations. In 2023, a Pew research study revealed 53% of 18-29 year olds have used dating apps, compared to only 37% in ages 30-49 years old. Young adults, now more than ever, are creating an online profile and swiping right. From marriage to casual encounters, there is an online space for young adults seeking different relationship goals. As an article by Science Daily pointed out, college-aged students are redefining what romantic commitment looks like with the prevalence of hookup culture. However, the downside to the increase in accessibility of dating apps is whether young adults using them truly understand what they’re looking for and what they currently value in romantic connections.
18-29 year olds on dating apps often struggle to identify meaningful connections when they’re still exploring who they want to be and what makes them feel seen in relationships. A dating app that frequently promotes a swipe-right mentality will ultimately make users feel discouraged when they don’t find exactly what they want. Understanding and setting realistic goals based on your love languages might be the key. An article by Sheri Gordon addressed how understanding the relationship between sharing and receiving love can strengthen communication, connection and emotional intimacy. This is exactly what the five love languages promote; how you share and receive love is part of those crucial connections you make in your early dating years, and they set values you should be thinking about when logging into any dating app. This means no matter the type of relationship you’re in, you can still utilize the love languages to better understand your intimacy goals in an era of online dating.
The average young adult is not actively looking for a lifelong relationship, and their awareness of what they value in romantic relationships might not be clear at this point in their life. This makes miscommunication, disappointment and discomfort all more common. Especially when you’re finding connections through a phone screen. An article from BetterHelp analyzes how our relationship values guide our interpersonal behaviors. When mental health experts and clients examined relationship values, four values appeared most commonly: communication, commitment, equality and personal growth. These are skills that can improve with time and are all necessary to evaluate how we give and receive love.
While the five love languages are not an ultimate answer for success in connections, they do lay a foundation to help you learn who you are and how you want to show your love. It’s up to you to decide what love languages are important to you. What you value in a romantic relationship could change over time, but one thing will always remain consistent: knowing how you receive and share your love with others is crucial for finding connections during online dating. It can assess your values, beliefs and personal choices so you end up with the relationship you want. Who knows, maybe you’ll swipe right and find exactly what you’re looking for!
Author Bio: Ellie Malachowski is a senior majoring in English with a minor in philosophy and law. To relax and unwind, she loves to read, watch “The Office” and be with friends.